Will Graham (
adaptevolvebecome) wrote2016-01-30 08:11 pm
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When Hannibal asks Will to come to dinner the night before they're to have their fateful meal with Jack, Will thinks maybe it's one more evening of planning, another few hours for Hannibal to be sure that Will is really ready to do what he says he will in regards to Jack's murder. As usual they talk around each other, neither one admitting anything, touching on things just enough to avoid being untruthful, never really saying anything. But the nothing they say is heavy with intent, and the moves they make are like a game for which neither of them knows the rules.
Hannibal asks about Jack, finally, and the question is framed in such a way that Will can easily deflect rather than answer directly. But even as he says what he does, about Jack's fate being preordained, he thinks that there's a part of him that could do what he's told Hannibal he can, could help Hannibal kill him. He doesn't cherish the idea of murdering Jack, doesn't imagine it will give him the rush of power he felt when he put ten bullets into Garrett Jacob Hobbs, when he nearly shot Clark Ingram in the head, when he broke Randal Tier's neck. But he's started to lose sight of where his reality ends and his deception begins.
Letting Hannibal in, giving him permission (and invitation) to be close, has given Will new insight. There's something in the vulnerability they've shared, even if some of it had been manufactured on Will's part, that makes some part of Will loathe to turn on Hannibal as was his initial design. It's not as if he's forgotten what Hannibal did to him, because he hasn't. But he's starting to understand why, to see the flesh and blood behind a man who is most certainly a monster. Hannibal can be cold and calculating and cruel, but he's passionate as well, he has the ability to be broken hearted, and the capacity for love.
Before he'd brought up Jack, Hannibal had talked about an imago, and the more Will considers it, the more he starts to realize that maybe Hannibal is hinting at something. He has in his mind his ideal for Will, a partner, Will thinks, someone he can share his intellect with, his thoughts, dark and light, someone who can and will understand him. But it makes Will wonder if Hannibal's seen through the cracks of Will's deceit, as fine as they are, if he knows betrayal awaits him when Jack arrives tomorrow night. It makes bile rise in the back of Will's throat, not because he's afraid of what Hannibal will do, but rather because the idea of hurting Hannibal in that way squeezes at his heart in a manner he never thought possible.
Will takes a sip of his wine in an attempt to wash the guilt down, but it sticks in his throat, burns in his sinuses. He can hear the intake of Hannibal's breath, ready to speak, but the words that come out of his mouth aren't what Will expects.
"We could disappear now, tonight," Hannibal suggests, his voice low and honest in a way that Will can feel vibrating in his bones. "Feed your dogs, leave a note for Alana, and never see her or Jack again. Almost polite."
There's a long silence then, spun out between them, and Will's instinct is to deflect again, say something that isn't a no or a yes, just words to fill the space. But, in his heart, all he wants is to agree, to leave all of this behind and run away with Hannibal, for better or worse, whatever that means. Jack would see him as a traitor, a liar, Alana would know it was weakness, giving into Hannibal's designs (because she knows exactly what that feels like), but, besides having to leave his dogs, Will has nothing to lose. He doesn't feel loyalty to the FBI, he doesn't have Jack or Alana's complete trust. He doesn't have Hannibal's either, and there's always a chance that Hannibal will kill him as soon as they get away, but Will suddenly understands that he doesn't care. This life, the one he's been pretending to live these few months, is what he wants. He's never felt more alive, has never understood himself better, than when he's with Hannibal.
"Yes," Will says quietly, his eyes meeting Hannibal's as he nods softly, his gaze clear and unburdened for the first time. "Let's go tonight. I want to," he adds, wanting his intentions to be completely understood, nothing disguised by the veil that usually hung between them.
Hannibal asks about Jack, finally, and the question is framed in such a way that Will can easily deflect rather than answer directly. But even as he says what he does, about Jack's fate being preordained, he thinks that there's a part of him that could do what he's told Hannibal he can, could help Hannibal kill him. He doesn't cherish the idea of murdering Jack, doesn't imagine it will give him the rush of power he felt when he put ten bullets into Garrett Jacob Hobbs, when he nearly shot Clark Ingram in the head, when he broke Randal Tier's neck. But he's started to lose sight of where his reality ends and his deception begins.
Letting Hannibal in, giving him permission (and invitation) to be close, has given Will new insight. There's something in the vulnerability they've shared, even if some of it had been manufactured on Will's part, that makes some part of Will loathe to turn on Hannibal as was his initial design. It's not as if he's forgotten what Hannibal did to him, because he hasn't. But he's starting to understand why, to see the flesh and blood behind a man who is most certainly a monster. Hannibal can be cold and calculating and cruel, but he's passionate as well, he has the ability to be broken hearted, and the capacity for love.
Before he'd brought up Jack, Hannibal had talked about an imago, and the more Will considers it, the more he starts to realize that maybe Hannibal is hinting at something. He has in his mind his ideal for Will, a partner, Will thinks, someone he can share his intellect with, his thoughts, dark and light, someone who can and will understand him. But it makes Will wonder if Hannibal's seen through the cracks of Will's deceit, as fine as they are, if he knows betrayal awaits him when Jack arrives tomorrow night. It makes bile rise in the back of Will's throat, not because he's afraid of what Hannibal will do, but rather because the idea of hurting Hannibal in that way squeezes at his heart in a manner he never thought possible.
Will takes a sip of his wine in an attempt to wash the guilt down, but it sticks in his throat, burns in his sinuses. He can hear the intake of Hannibal's breath, ready to speak, but the words that come out of his mouth aren't what Will expects.
"We could disappear now, tonight," Hannibal suggests, his voice low and honest in a way that Will can feel vibrating in his bones. "Feed your dogs, leave a note for Alana, and never see her or Jack again. Almost polite."
There's a long silence then, spun out between them, and Will's instinct is to deflect again, say something that isn't a no or a yes, just words to fill the space. But, in his heart, all he wants is to agree, to leave all of this behind and run away with Hannibal, for better or worse, whatever that means. Jack would see him as a traitor, a liar, Alana would know it was weakness, giving into Hannibal's designs (because she knows exactly what that feels like), but, besides having to leave his dogs, Will has nothing to lose. He doesn't feel loyalty to the FBI, he doesn't have Jack or Alana's complete trust. He doesn't have Hannibal's either, and there's always a chance that Hannibal will kill him as soon as they get away, but Will suddenly understands that he doesn't care. This life, the one he's been pretending to live these few months, is what he wants. He's never felt more alive, has never understood himself better, than when he's with Hannibal.
"Yes," Will says quietly, his eyes meeting Hannibal's as he nods softly, his gaze clear and unburdened for the first time. "Let's go tonight. I want to," he adds, wanting his intentions to be completely understood, nothing disguised by the veil that usually hung between them.
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It's all over so quickly that it feels almost like a dream, the after image of Hannibal's face caught in the pleasure of his climax burned into the backs of Will's eyes as he's pulled into Hannibal's embrace. Will feels shaky, cold and overheated all at once, but having Hannibal's arms around him centers him, calms him, and he closes his eyes, breathing in Hannibal's scent (still warm and apparent beneath the smell of soap and sex) and letting himself drift.
"I didn't see it coming either," he admits in a low whisper, breathing an almost laugh. "I've never liked this much, I've never wanted it, but I do with you. I want all of it," he admits, his wet fingers seeking the length of Hannibal's spine, feeling each vertebrae. "I want more."
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"Perhaps you never found the right person," he says lightly, still stroking Will's hair. "Or rather, you were never the person you were meant to be." He turns his head to press a brief kiss to Will's head. "For me, I've never wished to be known as I wish you to know me." He trails his free hand down Will's back, feeling his lover's spine in return. "Every bone."
As he and Will are in pieces in his mind, they begin to reassemble, without regard for what piece is from whom, all pieced together into one perfect whole, Hannibal and Will and the two made one.
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Hannibal's first comment is so reminiscent of their old therapy sessions that Will almost laughs, and he realizes it was meant as a joke, both Hannibal and Will fully aware that Hannibal is the only person Will has ever opened up entirely to, emotionally and physically. There's an understanding between them that's intrinsic, but one they came to via reciprocated manipulation; Will has molded Hannibal into his perfect other half the same way Hannibal has sculpted Will. Intimate physical commingling was the last step in their concurrent metamorphosis, and though they still exist in space within two separate bodies, they are now entirely conjoined on a metaphysical level.
Hannibal's fingers follow the bumps and hollows of Will's spinal column upward as Will's trace down Hannibal's, and Will thinks about the dichotomy of their relationship, how it was before and how it is now. Along the way, when Will was busy luring Hannibal to a specific target, his intention changed, his view changing as he progressed down the path he'd designed for himself. At the beginning of this journey Will had felt nothing but hatred, disgust, and anger, and though the fundamentals of Hannibal's being hadn't changed, Will's proximity and perspective had caused his feelings to evolve, leading him here to feel trust, devotion, and love.
Desire, however, is something that has only changed its ends.
"I want to start with the flesh," Will tells Hannibal as he trails his touch lower, over Hannibal's coccyx, lower until the end of his middle finger just brushes the start of Hannibal's cleft. It's a tease, but not one meant to frustrate; they have a plan that requires they're calm enough to dress and go out, and Will doesn't think he'll survive waiting again if things progress too much past calm.
Why hello there :)
"Impossible to reach the bones otherwise," he murmurs with a smile before pulling back, cupping Will's cheek for a moment, then rising, the water cascading down the lines and planes and curves of his body.
"I believe a shower may be in order before we go." He raises an eyebrow. "Join me?"
Yay, hello! Welcome back! :D
He's drawn from the image when Hannibal touches his cheek, and he watches as Hannibal stands gracefully, smooth and sleek like a cat, rivulets of water chasing down his body like a second skin being shed. Will continues to sit for a moment, eyes turned up to Hannibal from his feet, again almost like a parishioner knelt at the alter of his god. Will feels sacrificial, devout, and he wants to worship Hannibal with his hands and his mouth, he wants to lick every drop of water from his skin, inch by inch. He's hungry, thirsty, famished, parched, desperate, and he knows the ache in his belly is intentional, that patience is obligatory.
He also knows, when his fast is over, the feast that will be laid before him will be more than worth the wait.
Letting his eyes linger on Hannibal's genitals where they hang before his eyes for just a moment more, Will grips the edges of the tub and stands as well, his eyes meeting Hannibal's warm, dark gaze.
"We should probably make it a cold one," he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Or I suspect we'll be back into the olive oil again."
TY!!! :D
Hannibal nods in amusement at Will's observation. "Certainly what we intend is worth more deliberation." He climbs out of the tub with a smooth grace and pads across the room to the glass box shower, not paying attention to the puddled footprints he is leaving on the tile. He opens it and fiddles with the knobs a bit, setting them to be cold when turned on, then gestures for Will to enter.
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Will doesn't feel at all guilty about the way his eyes follow Hannibal as he steps out of the bathtub and moves toward the shower, his movements graceful like a dancer. Will wonders when Hannibal decided his entire life would be a work of art, if he acquired each of his skills in the pursuit of that goal. There doesn't seem to be an artistic endeavor in which Hannibal is not proficient, and Will's certain it's that collection of skills that makes him so talented at manipulation and deception. He's a veritable chameleon, able to blend in, make people trust him, convince people to share their secrets without them even knowing.
It was a thing that Will used to find contemptible, but now he can't help admiring it. He follows Hannibal out of the bath and crosses to the glass stall and slipping in beside Hannibal. The shower isn't tiny by any means, but it's not large enough for two grown men to share without having to invade each other's personal space. Hannibal turns the water on and Will gasps softly as the cool water hits his skin. It's not shockingly cold, but it's frigid enough to make Will shiver, and there's no chance either of them will linger long enough to worry about their close quarters causing further delays in their plans.
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Once he feels sufficiently washed he lowers his head again and opens his eyes to see how Will is faring, wondering if he's shivering, if he is finding the cold shower unpleasant, or if there's some enjoyment in it for him as well.
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Will can't say he minds the view, watching Hannibal wash himself, and though it's perfunctory, just meant to facilitate getting dressed so they can go to the pharmacy, seeing the water running over Hannibal's smooth, pale skin is a beautiful sight. Hannibal's body is reacting to the cold, his skin starting to go pink where the water is hitting it, his nipples and scrotum tightening against the onslaught. But the look on Hannibal's face tells a different story, and Will wonders if some of those reactions are to do with something beyond the drive to stay warm. In fact, based on the way Hannibal is looking at him, Will is certain there's a level of pleasure being derived from the discomfort.
Will understands it because he feels some of it himself. He wouldn't say he's enjoying this experience; the cold water makes him feel a little panicky low in his belly, hurts the skin on his feet and the more sensitive parts of his anatomy. But there's an ache there behind everything else, one that throbs though him like a heartbeat and makes his insides tighten almost pleasantly.
He splashes water over himself, turns to let it run through the crack of his ass and rinse the last of the oil and come away. He tips his head back and the water runs over his face, pulling another soft gasp from him before he rights himself again. He turns, meeting Hannibal's eyes.
"Done," he says, another shiver working through his body, involuntary and uncontainable.
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He smiles as he watches Will wash himself, amused by how differently they are reacting to the icy water, Hannibal still aroused while Will's hunger seems for the moment quashed. He wonders what it will be like to explore Will's reactions to the wide array of liminal experiences Hannibal plans to present to him, like serving a many coursed meal of the finest delicacies. Perhaps a time will come that Will might also find pleasure on the cusp of hypothermia.
For now Hannibal shuts off the water, and pauses for a moment, very close to Will, watching how the man is shivering, his muscles fighting the cold. Then the moment passes, and he opens the shower door and exits, retrieving two towels that are, of course, exceptionally soft. He offers one to Will before using the other to dry himself.
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Will can feel Hannibal evaluating him, can see it in the way Hannibal's eyes track over his body, cataloging his reactions. It's difficult to tell from Hannibal's expression if Hannibal is disappointed or simply curious, if he's figuring out new ways to test Will's limits. Will has an idea what those sort of tests might be like, more of what Hannibal has been doing more subtly since the day they met. But now there's no more reason for subterfuge, and the idea of being manipulated by Hannibal's talented hands, his poison tipped words, brings a flutter of excitement he hadn't felt at the prospect before Hannibal had taken him completely apart in his bed in Baltimore.
The lessons may even start tonight.
Taking the soft towel from Hannibal, he dries off quickly, not indulging in the feeling of the expensive terrycloth against his skin. Time for luxuriating will come later, he has a feeling, and they've been holding back from each other long enough.
Hanging his towel on the rack, he moves back to the bedroom, knowing Hannibal will follow. Going into his duffel bag, he pulls out fresh clothes, underwear and socks and well worn slacks he knows Hannibal is aching to replace as soon as possible. It's very perfunctory, dressing quickly but not haphazardly, ready to put on another show in public. As he's putting on his clothes, Will is stepping back into Peter Beckett, realigning his perspective. Hannibal is his host in this country and, though they're meant to be here as colleagues, they are giving in to their baser instincts, engaging in a clandestine affair while abroad together. The way Will looks at Hannibal once they're out in the streets has to reflect that, and though it's not really a leap, putting on the sentiment sends a little thrill through him, an easy, but important deception they can build together.
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Hannibal forgoes the tie, instead leaving the top button of his shirt undone, affecting a mix of formal and casual that is standard in Europe. Will's clothes are quite American, but as that is the role he is playing, Hannibal isn't concerned. Perhaps the more literal "suit" can be eventually tailored as well.
Once dressed, Hannibal goes out into the entryway to retrieve their shoes, scooping up the rest of their clothing while he's at it. He returns to the bedroom and holds out Will's shoes to him.
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Will watches in periphery as Hannibal dresses, his movements swift and agile, graceful in this as he is in all things. It's a thing of beauty to watch Hannibal move, everything he does like a ballet, simple tasks a work of art. He can see Hannibal changing outwardly as well, the more clothes he puts on, minute adjustments to his expression, the set of his shoulders, and Will realizes that he's witnessing the reapplication of the mask Hannibal wears. It's not the first time Will's seen it, but as being here with Hannibal is the first time Will's experienced him entirely stripped bare, and observing the transformation from that back to Hannibal's usual, carefully applied facade, is almost jarring.
It also makes Will curious about how much of himself he shows without realizing it. He's not as practiced at disguising his true intentions as Hannibal is, and though he's had practice at it more recently, he's unsure how he'll react when Hannibal finally fully indoctrinates him to his way of life.
But now's not the time for such contemplations. Hannibal leaves the room momentarily and returns with their discarded clothing from earlier, pausing as he reenters the bedroom to hand Will his shoes. Will stoops to put them on, and once he stands again Hannibal is standing patiently, wearing his own shoes and seemingly ready to go out.
"Do you know where we're headed?" Will asks, sure Hannibal probably knows where any and all useful shops and restaurants are in their immediate vicinity, not the type who leaves those sorts of things up to chance even when he's not actively evading capture by law enforcement.
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"There is a chemists nearby. It should suit our needs." He makes a mental note to also visit a nearby hardware store and make a duplicate of the apartment key for Will. He holds the only key, and had not expected to need another, since being the sole key holder was a position of power he thought it important to reserve, if Will (or Dr. DuMaurier) had accompanied him under some measure of manipulation.
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"Tell me what you love most about Paris," he says as they take the stairs to the street. It's dark and cool, the sidewalks largely vacant, only a few people out and about, headed home from work or on their way to get a drink. Will makes note of the storefronts and buildings and street names as they go, his eye resembling that of a tourist to disguise the practiced gaze of a criminal profile cum wanted criminal. Peter Beckett wants to know where he and his sexy, European professor can get a good croissant for breakfast, but underneath Will Graham is memorizing the lay of the land, deciding which vendors he'll befriend and which he'll avoid, building on the story of their concealment.
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Hannibal gives Will a smile at that question. "There is much to laud about the city of lights. To choose one is an exceedingly difficult task. However, right here, and right now, I would have to say that my favorite thing about Paris is the company." His smile widens at his lover.
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At the same time Will is aroused by Hannibal's deception, by the easy way Hannibal carries himself in another's skin, bantering in a way he would find banal and insipid if he weren't putting on an act. The heat in Will's body is only stoked by the performance, knowing what Hannibal really is, what their coupling will be like when they return to their flat with the necessary provisions. Peter Beckett is on his way home to go belly down in Giacomo's bed, but Will Graham is the one preparing to be the dominant party tonight. It's poignant in that it proves Hannibal's trust in him, Hannibal's love for him, and the burning of Will's desire has never in his life been so bright.
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The pharmacy, like all those in Paris, is marked by a green neon cross. Inside it is immediately obvious that French drug stores are nothing like American drug stores, in that they do not sell food or drinks or anything aside from medical supplies and some beauty products. While it will be useful to stock a complete medical kit for their home, at the moment Hannibal is really only interested in getting what they need for their explorations of each other to continue unimpeded. He leads Will to the section where they have a selection of condoms and lubricants, and stands behind and slightly to the side of him, projecting dominance.
"Preferences?" he murmurs.
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"Hmm," Will hums in a way that would fit Peter's persona, stepping forward to take a box off a peg, turning it over in his hands to read the packaging. It's in French, and he only understands a few of the words, but he says a few out loud as if he's reading and comprehending. "These will do," he tells Giacomo with a small smile and a blush, handing the box to Hannibal. He lets his gaze linger on Hannibal's face for another few seconds before he turns to take a tube of lubricant, one that looks like a good size, branding benign. He hands that to Hannibal as well, still wearing that sly little grin.
"Anything else?" he asks, leaning into Hannibal's space and lowering his voice, acting like he's pretending to get away with something that is overtly, plainly obvious.
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Giacomo leans back slightly, looking to the side to ensure they are alone, before raising a cautionary eyebrow to Peter as he takes the tube of lubricant to go along with the box of condoms. There are cameras, of course, four of them, which Hannibal noted when they walked in, so everything is being recorded at the very least, and Hannibal is satisfied with their performance. That they are illicit lovers is the thing that others might expect to draw attention, when in actuality it will encourage others to look away, to erase the tapes for something more important.
Hannibal takes the items to the counter and purchases them, exchanging polite pleasantries in French with the man behind the counter as he pays from his collected Euros.
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Or, at least, that's how Hannibal's performance reads to Will. He continues to play his own part admirably, standing close enough to Hannibal as he purchases their items to make it very clear they're about to go use them together, and he even gives the girl behind the counter a nervous little smile. She barely meets his eyes, uncomfortable, and he knows she's going to do her level best to forget him, to forget this moment, as quickly as she can.
Back out on the street, Will shivers and pushes his hands into his pockets, his feet scuffing against the cobblestone, echoing into the night. Peter steals glances at Giacomo as they walk back to their apartment, wanting to say something, to tell his mentor how ready he is to do this, finally, but he bites his tongue. Will thinks about Hannibal's body, his muscles moving under his skin, beneath his clothes, imagines himself stripping all of that away, finding Hannibal's beating heart, taking it for his own.
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When they make it back to the apartment Hannibal locks the door, then proceeds directly to the bedroom. When they first arrived at the apartment they needed to devour each other right then, right there, but now they need to do this with slow deliberation. He sets the bag with their purchases on the bed and turns to gaze at his Will. Others might be anxious about what is about to happen, but not Hannibal. He watches Will with curiosity and desire, a heady mix that has his pulse slightly raised, his cheeks slightly flushed.
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Back in the flat, Will feels calmer has since they began their wild escape from the US, since the day he shot Garret Jacob Hobbs to death in his kitchen in Minnesota. Over the months since that fateful day, Will's been changing, transforming, under his own steam but more so with the careful, precise guidance of the man stood across the room from him now. There was a time when all Will had felt for Hannibal was contempt, anger, and disgust, and the path from that to here hadn't been a long one, but now all he sees when he looks at Hannibal is the other half of himself. Put that way it's not so surprising; all of those things he hated about Hannibal are things that Will has now fully embraced as a part of himself.
In Hannibal's bedroom back in Baltimore their coupling had been an exhibition of Will's submission and Hannibal's dominance, the first action of proof that Will was serious about making a life with Hannibal, about being a part of Hannibal's future. This, here and now in their apartment in Paris, isn't a reversal of that. It's an acceptance, it's Hannibal proving to Will their equality, his trust, and his readiness for their entwined future.
Crossing the space between them, Will reaches out to touch the curve of Hannibal's cheek with his fingertips, following the shape of it down to trail along Hannibal's jaw. There's the slight texture of stubble there, a reminder of how long they've been running, and Will realizes he's never seen Hannibal when he wasn't clean shaven before this moment. It's the first of many things they'll share in their lives together, allowing each other to see imperfections and flaws, letting each other all the way in, no secrets, no places uncovered.
Will draws a finger along Hannibal's lower lip, allowing it to slip off the end of Hannibal's chin as he leans in for a kiss, sweet and slow and shallow, just the first press, the beginning of what Will hopes is a moment neither of them will ever forget.
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Hannibal kisses Will back in kind, gentle, slow, shallow, and touches his lover's cheek with one hand while resting the other lightly on his waist. When the kiss ends he meets Will's eyes, his own sparkling with intense curiosity, waiting with bated breath for his next move.
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The road that brought Will and Hannibal to this place is as twisted, gnarled, and bloody as the bodies Hannibal had created in what ultimately became his courtship of Will, and it's also as beautiful. Their feelings for each other are deep and complex, ever changing even in this moment, and despite the darkness they share, what they have is still a romance.
The second kiss they share is warmer and wetter and darker than the first one, Will's mouth pressing against Hannibal's with the weight of desire, the desperate need to connect, to merge, to consume. It grows harder and hotter in each second it spins on, their teeth clashing, little bursts of blood on their tongues from battered gingiva, lips rubbing and beards scraping, Will's hands gripping Hannibal's jaw with enough force to make his fingers ache.
But then, in the ebb and flow, it spins down, slowing, easing, and Will is shaking as he kisses Hannibal's lips gently, tasting and feeling, the raucous sound of their breathing the only indication of where they'd been the moment before. This is where Will begins undressing Hannibal, strong, sure hands pushing off his coat, working at the buttons down the front of his shirt, kissing in between the bare moments he needs to pull back enough to see what he's doing. Hannibal's chest bared, Will's mouth finds his throat, kissing and biting, hard enough to maybe leave marks, maybe not, only time will tell. But for now all Will can focus on is the heavy, steady throbbing of Hannibal's carotid under his lips, blood burning through the skin, feeding them both.
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